[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

profession, sufferers from the mad itch became incapable of either reading or signing
documents. Even verbal communication with them became difficult. Nevertheless, the slyest
of the bureaucrats discovered a neat trick. It was found that if a suffering Politburo member
were asked a question in a negative form, such as, 'We shouldn't permit the wearing of
dissident-style caps by workers in the bakeries of Chelyabinsk, should we?', then the
answer was invariably a yell of, 'No!', followed instantly by an angry cry of, 'Get out of here!'
Whereas if a question were asked in positive form, such as, 'We should close the
Mausoleum in Red Square for a month to give the Lenin Waxwork a touch-up, shouldn't
we?', the answer was invariably a yell of, 'Yes!', again followed by an enraged, 'Get out of
here!'
It was seen that this odd situation provided an opportunity for what the bureaucratic mind
saw as the ideal method of governing the country. Simply by asking questions in positive or
negative form to suit itself, bureaucracy could obtain the answers it wanted to every issue
under the Sun - but unfortunately without the signatures, the streaks of carbon around which
the whole system revolved. Nevertheless, by a clever use of tape-recorders to obtain
undeniable permanent evidence of the cries of 'Yes!' or 'No!' from Politburo members, the
situation had been ingeniously adapted to the exigencies of the moment. Besides which, the
hale and hearty new Number Fourteen could be prevailed upon to supply his signature,
always provided he were supplied with copies of the tape recordings as an assurance that
he was keeping himself in line with majority opinion. Indeed, much of Number Fourteen's
time these days was occupied with signing documents and cannily classifying his mounting
stock of recordings.
Because signatures had, by constitutional requirement, to come from full members of the
Politburo, the number of full members had, of necessity, been increased to fourteen, a detail
much commented on by Kremlin-watchers in the West, who nevertheless quite failed to
understand the reason for the sudden change which had removed Number Fourteen from
the dreaded candidate status.
Only the problem of the infrequent public appearances of leading Politburo members
remained in need of urgent solution. Occasions like Kremlin meetings, to which members
were driven through Moscow streets and avenues in large black limousines, could readily be
dealt with by the crude use of dummies. Regretfully, however, the bureaucracy decided that
dummies simply weren't a satisfactory answer to the absolute need for members to be on
public show at the traditional May Day Parade through Red Square. Despite the attendant
awkward details, it was decided that for the May Day Parade lookalikes
"
were essential.
So remarkable an instrument is the human eye that every individual can be distinguished
from every other individual, except in rare cases of identical twins. Perforce, a perfect
lookalike for a typical individual is an impossibility. Compromises had therefore to be
struck. If the need had been for close-up appearances on television, the facial features
rather than the bodily proportions of lookalikes would obviously have been of prime
importance. But for display at the May Day Parade, it was the bodily proportions, especially
the manner of walking, which really mattered. Provided the movement was right, moderate
inaccuracies in other respects could be attended to by the padding of garments, by the
wearing of spectacles, and by the use of oddly-shaped hats.
Security was, of course, the most worrisome headache. The typical Soviet citizen pressed
into service as a lookalike would almost inevitably start leaks concerning his principal that
would run their way with surprising speed through the whole population, on the principle that
each person-in-the-know tells two others and the leak soon grows into an unquenchable
torrent. The lookalike breathes in the strictest confidence only to his wife, the wife breathes
in the strictest confidence only to her closest and dearest friends. One makes two, two make
four, four make eight, and so on through only twenty-seven steps, by which time all but the
most innocent folk would know the awful truth, without anything but the strictest confidence
being involved at any of the twenty-seven steps.
After much agonised discussion of this dilemma, the bureaucracy decided to search for
lookalikes not among ordinary citizens, but among the numerous persons incarcerated in
jails and labour camps. Under the threat of their sentences being tripled in the event of any
leak occurring, such persons had a vastly greater incentive to maintain rigorous silence than
ordinary citizens, or so it was agreed and decided.
The tactic was acknowledged to be somewhat chancy, but it worked. Just as members of
the vast crowd that thronged Red Square for the May Day Parade, happy to be given a
holiday for the occasion and to be awarded a plus mark on their nomenklatura charts, were
unaware that it was a waxwork that lay close by in the Lenin Mausoleum, so they were
unaware that the nation's leaders were being represented on the specially constructed
balcony by convicted criminals. The exception, of course, was Number Fourteen, who for the
first time in many months was enjoying himself, as, together with those around him, he took
the salute to the future glory of the Motherland. Number Fourteen was indeed particularly
pleased that the lookalike for the up
377 [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]