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bed, no more than three steps, his forefingers pressed in a steeple at his lips.  I could have just killed you
in the desert and disappeared.
 There s a cheery thought. I eyed the nail file on the edge of my desk, thinking I could use it as a
weapon if he tried to attack me. You could use yourself. You are a vampire.
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He cleared his throat, actually looking remorseful.  I m sorry, it s not meant to be insulting, it just is what
it is. I could have started over, completely new, and had all the things I wanted the first time I was a
man.
 What did you want? I imagined the Soul Eater s corruption had begun early. The thought Cyrus had,
at one time, had wishes and needs of his own seemed impossible.
He knew exactly what I was thinking.  He didn t become so hungry for power until he fell in with his
own sire.
 What did you want? I repeated quietly.
There was a long pause. He was no longer with me, in my room. The faraway look in his eyes suggested
he d removed himself from me by seven centuries.  A peasant knows better than to want more than a
reasonable life and an easy death. In my wildest fantasies, I had a home of my own and a real bed. As it
was, my first wife had to spend her wedding night on the hard-packed dirt of my family s cottage, with
my brothers and father and their wives not a foot from us.
He gave a grim chuckle.  That was how it always was then, there was no help for it. But I was a shiftless
dreamer, like my father. That s probably why we managed to tolerate each other for so many long
years.
 Did you have any children? When I d been his fledgling, he d dispensed information on a
need-to-know basis namely, what he thought I needed to know. The subject of his family had never
come up.
 No. I wanted them. And it wasn t as if I didn t do my husbandly duty by her. I just never got a child on
her. The corners of his eyes lifted at the mention of his wife, then fell when he seemed to remember how
long ago and unalterable the past was.  She killed herself, after I turned her.
 That s why I didn t want to fall back into this life. This was supposed to be my second chance.
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The similarity between his words and Nathan s was jarring.
 It still can be, I insisted, but I wasn t speaking only to him.  You can have anything you want. You just
have to get through this.
 The ritual Bella mentioned, it made me think&  His words died on his lips.  It was a foolish thought.
 Tell me. I liked the human Cyrus, and I wanted to encourage him. Maybe it was a comparison
exercise. If he could survive all this, I could survive what lay ahead of me. Stranger things had happened.
 If making peace is all Nathan has to do to be well, maybe I should look into it myself. Cyrus laughed.
 But, no. I have too much to atone for.
 It wouldn t hurt to try. If anything, it would steer him away from another fall. Despite his pretty words
of apology and lament, he was still dangerously unstable. He might want to make amends, but he d likely
fall to evil again like an alcoholic falling off the wagon. As long as he was making a conscious effort to
avoid his old ways, I would sleep easier during the day.
 I suppose you re right. He smiled, an expression meant more for himself than for me, and ran a hand
through his hair.  Or maybe I m agreeing out of exhaustion.
I rose and made a sweeping gesture of invitation toward the bed.  Please, make yourself at home. I m
going to sit up with Nathan.
As I turned to leave the room, Cyrus caught my wrist. I let him pull me in. Hooking his normal, human
fingers, which seemed so out of place on him under my chin, he tilted my face up.  I wasn t using you.
 I know. I rose on tiptoe and kissed him chastely on the side of the mouth, the way an old friend would.
It wouldn t hurt to let him believe that of himself, that he hadn t merely used me to satisfy some need.
But as I sat beside Nathan s sleeping form through the long night, I knew why Cyrus and I had done
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what we d done.
We were lonely, and we were punishing ourselves for it.
Chapter 25 - The Heart s Filthy Lesson
I don t know when I fell asleep, but I woke to the gentle touch of Bella s hand on my shoulder. I lifted
my head and saw Nathan. He was awake, but clearly drugged. I d pulled a chair to his bedside just
hours before. When I d finally collapsed from exhaustion, I d rested my head on the bed next to him.
Now, my back ached and a cold sheen of drool coated my cheek.  Good morning.
 We must talk, she said humorlessly.  About the ritual.
I didn t think we d talk about the weather, but now wasn t the time for sarcastic quips.  Just tell me
what I need to do.
She led me to the kitchen, where Max and Cyrus waited. The former handed me a mug of blood and the
latter rose to offer me his chair. I waved for him to sit, and turned to Bella.  Okay, give me the gory
details.
The basic form of the ritual sounded simple enough. Despite his unreliable state, Bella insisted Nathan
not be given another sedative. It would ensure he could become conscious during the ritual and reap the
full benefits. But since he was still crazed, Max would stand in for him, a proxy or a magical power of [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]