[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

if..." The thing did not stay around for a chat but instead rolled backward
to the wall and stopped next to a machine that looked like a cross between a
TV camera and a water fountain. Bill sighed, waiting for what was to come
next. When it came it was most impressive. Bells rang in the distance and a
far-off hooter hooted. All of this grew louder as the wall dilated to form a
door, which emitted a golden shaft of light. A golden dais rolled through the
opening and came to a halt before Bill. It was covered with golden draperies
and upon the draperies lay a golden figure. Roughly human in form, unless you
counted the fact that it had four arms, and was apparently made of metal. The
golden-riveted head turned to face him, the golden eyelids clicked open, and
from the open mouth, complete with real gold teeth, it spoke.
"Welcome, O stranger from a distant world." "Hey, that's great, you can
Page 24
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
really talk my language." "Yes. I just learned it from the linguistic
cybernator. But I'm a little unsure about the pluperfect and gerunds. And the
irregular plurals." "I never use them myself," Bill said, humbly.
"Seems like a satisfactory, though more than moronic, answer. Now what brings
you to our friendly little world of Usa?" "Is that what this planet is
called?" "Obviously-dummy, or I wouldn't have said it. As a brief aside,
would you by any chance have73any advice on subjunctive clauses? Yes, I see,
nod your stupid head, you don't use them either. Back to work. Your reason for
coming here?" "Well, our base, which should have been safe if it were
attacked. . ." "That, for your information, is the subjunctive you never
use." Bill, at a loss for words, struggled a bit then went on. "But we were
attacked, by giant flying dragons..." "Excuse my interruption but they
weren't, by any chance, giant metal flying dragons?" "Yes-they were."
"So that's what those clanking bastards have been up to!" The golden eyelids
clicked quickly and the creature emitted a deep hissing. Then drew its
attention back to Bill. "Do excuse me, I am forgetting my manners. My name
is Zots-Zitz-Zhits-Glotz, but you may call me by the diminutive Zots to mark
our growing and intimate friendship. And you are _ .
.?" "Recently Commissioned Third Lieutenant Bill." "Must I use the
entire name?" "My friends call me Bill." "How nice for you, and them too
of course. And I am being a bad host. Is there any refreshment I can offer
you? Some refined oil perhaps. Or benzene, well filtered, or a drop of
phenol." "None of those, thanks. Though I could sure use a glass of water.
. ." "You want WHAT?" Zots bellowed with lungs of brass. "Or, ha-ha,
perhaps I did not hear you right. You might possibly want some substance that
I have never heard of. You would not have asked for74water, the liquid form of
the compound H20, at this temperature, containing two molecules of hydrogen to
one of oxygen?" "That's it, that's what I want, Mr. Zots. Your chemistry is
sure good!" "Guards! Destroy this creature! It wants to assassinate me,
poison me! Decog it! Melt it down! Loosen its nuts!" Bill drew back,
whinnying with fear, as a frightening selection of ambulatory hardware crashed
towards him. The pincers, metal claws, writhing tentacles, spud wrenches, were
just about to grab and rend him when the voice rang out one more time.
 Stop!.. They all stopped in midattack. Except for one machine with
extending arms that had been extended too far. It tilted forward and crashed
to the floor. "A single question, squishy stranger Bill, before I unleash
the hordes yet one more time. This water -what had you planned to do with it?"
"Why drink it of course. I'm really thirsty." A
metal shiver passed over Zots's golden figure. Bill, for one of the few times
in his life, had an original idea. With apparently great effort, over an
extended period of time, his militarily decayed braincells had added up two
and two and managed to get four. "I like water. Why, ninety-five percent of
my body," he said, getting it wrong, "is made up of water." "Will wonders
never cease!" Zots dropped back onto his drapes and cogitated so hard you
could hear the wheels turning. "Guards, retreat," he ordered, and they did. "I
suppose it is theoretically possible to have a life form based on water,
though it sounds disgusting."75 "Not water, really," Bill said, dredging
around for long-forgotten science lessons. "But carbon, that's it.
And chlorophyll, you know the kind of thing." "No, frankly, I don't. But I
am a quick read." "Now can I ask one?" He took Zots's languid nod for
assent. "I'm just guessing. But you are made of metal. Not made, you are
metal." "That seems rather obvious." "Then you are a living metal
machine!" "I take affront at the word machine used in this context.
Metal-based life form would be more precise. We must have a good chat about
this, and flying dragons, other topics of great interest. But first, here is
your poison-I do beg your pardon-beverage." A metal platform rolled
forward, stretched out an extending arm and deposited a glass receptacle on
the floor before Bill. It retreated quickly. Bill picked it up and saw that a
transparent liquid was gurgling about inside. With some difficulty he found
the seal and the top finally snapped open. He sniffed suspiciously but could
Page 25
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
smell nothing. Dipped the tip of one finger into it, felt nothing. Licked the
finger. "That's good old H2O, Zots good buddy, thanks a million." He
gurgled and gasped and drained the vessel, lowering it with a satisfied Ahhh.
"Now I have seen everything..." Zots breathed with awe in his voice. "Have I
really got something to tell the boys down at the machine shop." He snapped
his fingers and a wheeled and tentacled device rolled forward and handed him a
can of oil. He held it out in a toast. "Here's to you, O poisondrinking
alien." He drained it and tossed it aside. "Enough sociality-to work. You must
tell me more about the attack of the flying dragons. Do you76know why they
should want to do this?" "You bet I do. The attack was directed by the vile
and disgusting Chingers." "This story gets better and better. What exactly
is a Chinger?" "They are the enemy." "Of who?" "Mankind.
That is me, I mean we, people. These Chingers are an alien and intelligent
species that wants to destroy us. So naturally we have to destroy them first.
Destruction on a large scale is called war." "Understanding penetrates.
You and your other watery-squashy folk are at war with these Chingers. Might I
ask-is their metabolism metal or carbon based?° "Gee, I'm not quite sure.
They have four arms, just like you, but I know they are not metal. But they
were guiding the metal dragons. I know because I saw one myself. Those
dragons, ho-ho," he laughed artificially, trying to be cute, "they aren't
yours by any chance?" "By no chance. They were bred by the vile Wankkers.
I will tell you about them but first-I am being most forgetful. Those
creatures we brought in with you. Are they Chingers by any chance? Or business
associates?" "They are human like me. My friends-or at least some of them
are friends." "Then we must see to their welfare for I am indeed being a
bad host. I will get them in here-then I will tell you the loathsome story of
the Wankkers."C H A P T E R 977The rest of the expedition were herded
into the room by herding machines. They looked about suspiciously and fingered
their blasters. "It's okay-you're among friends," Bill called out quickly
before there were any tragic accidents. "You better amplify that
statement," Praktis said. "Which friends are those exactly among all this
ambulatory hardware?" "The golden guy on the couch. Name of Zots and he
seems to be in charge here." "More than seems, friend Bill. I am Top Dog as [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]