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She felt a sickening plop at the pit of her stomach when she thought of how Sam must
have felt when he heard her talking to Laurie. There was an awful feeling of hopelessness
running all through her body, bunching the muscles in her shoulders and making her skin
feel like she had been flogged.
I ll tell him I m sorry.
It was the only thing she could think of and it was the worst. Sorry was never good
enough to cut it. There were no guarantees with sorry. If she could have come up with a lie to
convince him he had misheard, she could at least bank on being convincing enough, but with
sorry, the whole thing depended on the person holding the forgiveness bag. Either Sam
could accept her apology or not. There was no room for Chrissie to build a case.
After twenty minutes of sitting and swallowing the nausea at the back of her throat, her
phone beeped and she picked up.
 This is my fault. I shouldn t have asked, Laurie mumbled.
Chrissie shook her head.  No, it s not. I shouldn t have said it. I shouldn t have thought
it.
 How do you not think it? You can t control your thoughts.
She slouched forwards and rubbed the centre of her forehead with the heel of her palm.
It did nothing to alleviate her headache.  Tony s right. I am a bitch.
 He said what? You said what? Chrissie could hear Tony s muttering in the
background as Laurie s voice got louder.  You called Chrissie a bitch? No, don t make
HEAD OVER HEELS Annemarie Hartnett
68
excuses. You can t call a woman a bitch. It s degrading. Go sit at that table over there before I
pour that coffee over your head.
 Laurie, stop. Chrissie got to her feet and started pacing from one end table to the
other. One look at Sam s collection of gym bags on his side and her throat started to burn
again.  What do I do? What do I say to him?
 Tell him the truth. Tell him you re a dumbass. We were talking shit. That s what
people do. It s no different than if you walked in on him telling Tony he couldn t tell where
your ass ended and your thighs began.
 Thanks.
Laurie sighed.  He ll have a run and he ll cool off. Do you want me to come over
there?
 No. Stay. Eat jam and real butter, and be nice to Tony. It s not his fault I m a bitch.
She hung up and tossed the phone onto the mattress, then reached for the remote. There
was nothing to do but wait.
* * * *
The afternoon had the life sucked out of it by decorating shows on the television and
Chrissie s loneliness. She had visited the vending machines three times and had gorged
herself on chocolate, potato chips, and soda. She was congealing on the end of the bed when
the door opened and Sam came in. She bounced off the bed to greet him.
Her stomach curdled when he didn t acknowledge her with as much as a glance.
After a deep breath she simply said,  Sam, I m sorry.
 I don t care.
Chrissie stepped back as those three words cut into her. She wanted anger and
shouting. She could handle anger and shouting. She worked her tongue in her mouth until
there was enough saliva to speak again.
 I didn t mean it like you took it.
He shook his head as he hoisted the first of his bags onto the bed.  How do you know
how I took it? How else is there to take it? I walk in and hear you tell Laurie that this is just a
fling and that I m like a high school boy?
HEAD OVER HEELS Annemarie Hartnett
69
 You took it out of context.
He unzipped the bag and headed for the bathroom. He returned a few minutes later
with his shaving kit and bottle of shampoo.  I didn t take anything out of context, and I don t
care. You were right. This was a bad idea.
 No, it wasn t. Sam, come on. Listen to me. She knelt on the bed and walked on her
knees across the mattress.
 I probably should have asked if this was just vacation fucking. I just assumed that
since we lived in the city and we got along so well, we d keep it up once we got back to
Toronto. He shrugged and hoisted the biggest of his bags over his shoulder.
 Please. I feel like shit.
 Good. I m glad. He grabbed the bag in front of her. Chrissie reached for the strap and
held on, and he looked at her for the first time.
Chrissie couldn t hold the ugly, slimy feeling inside any longer. It swelled like a puffer
fish and pricked the back of her throat. Even though she tried not to cry tears started to blur
her vision. She pressed her lips together as her whole face got hot and wet.
Sam sighed and let go of the bag.  Look, this was a bad idea.
With a sniffle Chrissie shook her head.  That s not true. When I was talking to Laurie I
was just having a moment. I m so sorry I hurt you.
 And what happens in a week when you decide that you were right and the guy you ve
been banging on vacation isn t good enough?
Her eyes burned with tears as he reclaimed the bag in front of her.  Sam, please don t.
Sam shook his head. His shoulders sagged, but there was no way for her to know
whether it was the burden of the luggage or what she had put on him.
 Sorry, Chrissie. This has been a great week, but I d rather call it quits here and walk
away with what s left of my pride. I m going to ride with Tony in the truck. I ll stay with him
tonight.
 Sam, don t. It was all she could say through the feeling of having her throat cut. She
bit down hard on her bottom lip but couldn t keep the whimper in.
At the door he turned and dug into his pocket.  Here, I bought this for you.
HEAD OVER HEELS Annemarie Hartnett
70
The thing that bounced on the bed in front of her was no more than a few inches tall
and made a clicking sound as it rolled over the comforter. She didn t reach for it. She simply
glanced at it and turned her attention back to Sam.
He yanked open the door and shrugged.  You ll probably hate it.
When he was gone it was like someone had put the cork back on her ability to cry just
as she was about to unleash it.
She picked up the thing he had thrown at her. It was a fat little wind-up pirate with a
misshapen cutlass in one hand. She turned the plastic knob at the back and the pirate s arm
jerked up and down in a stabbing motion.
 Yarr, she mumbled and looked back to the door. She remained where she was in the
middle of the queen-sized bed, chest burning, eyes and nose running, her whole body slowly
deflating.
HEAD OVER HEELS Annemarie Hartnett
71
Chapter Seven
Fat, greasy blobs of rain splattered on the windshield, blurring Chrissie s view of the
main office to Chuck s Motel as she waited for Laurie to return with their room number and
key. It had started to rain shortly after they entered New Brunswick. Everything was grey.
She hated driving. She hated being damp. She hated the cute lawn chairs outside each
motel room.
It was almost over. One more night. The following day they were headed for the
airport. She didn t know how she was going to get through the next twenty-four hours. All [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]